Pity vs Compassion. How to spot the difference.

The Sagacious Buddhist Blog.
practical dharma teachings. questions|answers. essays.

answering your questions and teaching on buddhism, dharma, and enlightenment

- new teachings posted every 4 to 16 weeks, please subscribe to receive notifications -

update: I did it! :)

In the Spring of 2021, I resigned and gave away all of my worldly possessions and left for Southeast Asia to renounce and ordain as an ascetic forest monk, scholar, and teacher in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, with a special emphasis on Early Buddhist doctrine and discourse (a.k.a., Pre-sectarian Buddhism).

Summer 2021 Update: I had to leave Asia and my ordination is temporarily on-hold due to the uncontrolled nature of the COVID19 situation in SE Asia. I am currently taking on new students until I can resume my path. My teachings are donation-based.

(for those wishing to contribute for the purposes of food, clothing, shelter, or medical care.)

Pity vs Compassion. How to spot the difference - Buddhism Explained Q&A

1/8/2021

6 Comments

Be a compassion expert by learning to stop pity at its root.

Great question, compassion and pity are quite commonly misunderstood. And this is equally relevant to both Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.

While entire schools of Buddhism are anchored on the concept of compassion, and many compendia have been written on the topic, here's an easy way to spot the difference:

Compassion is the ability to recognise the suffering in one's self or in others, coupled with the unselfish desire to alleviate that suffering. It's borne in the understanding that everyone is just like you: they are alive and have a strong wish to be happy and to be free of unhappiness. Its foundation is based on the understanding that sincerely and unselfishly caring for others is an empowering source of peace and happiness. One only needs to engage in genuinely compassionate thoughts, speech, and actions to experience the truth found in that teaching.

When we genuinely have concern for the well-being of others and we take skilful actions accordingly, we are certain to experience a deep sense of positive emotions and pleasure -- it feels good to be compassionate toward others: it feels open and vast... and that's because it's supposed to, because it's a reflection of a heart that is open and vast, and of a mind that is free of self-cherishing thoughts and pettiness.

Compassion is often coupled with compassionate speech and/or action; because genuine compassion is rarely passive. In many schools of Buddhism, we diligently work to cultivate insights into how compassion for others is an inexhaustible source of inner-peace, and though regular insights and practice, compassion begins to flow freely and easily, colouring everything we think, say, and do. It's a wonderful way to live life and to interact with the world around us!

Pity, on the other hand, is borne of a better-off-than mindset, and one where help is often rendered with an unspoken expectation of something in return (e.g., appreciation, gratitude, respect, influence, reputation, ego, leverage, reciprocation, etc). It's more passive than compassion and is more often coupled with words-alone or superficial offerings rather than compassionate action. Pity is a reflection of an unhealthy mind and those who engage in acts of Pity, even if only occasionally, can serve as excellent objects for our own compassion.

We must be ever-so mindful of the intentions and motivations behind our actions for others. As such, when we are on the cushion we must be vigilant of the potential dark side of meditation: indifference, detachment, pity, routine, self-cherishing, coldness, and pride; these create a type of blind hardness and can be a challenge to both novice and experienced meditators and compassionate dharma practitioners alike. This is where having a skilled meditation trainer and dharma coach to personally help you stay the course becomes important.

I hope this was helpful to you.

With metta,
Michael

Recommended listening: The Science of Compassion: A Modern Approach for Cultivating Empathy, Love, and Connection by Kelly McGonigal

If you gained any insight from this article, please consider subscribing. And if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts or just saying 'thanks' in the comment field below. It means quite a bit to me to know that I may have been of value to others.

But perhaps most of all, would you mind sharing this on your social media platform of choice?

If you liked this, you may also enjoy these popular posts...
How to do Metta Meditation Correctly - Detailed Instructions (Loving-Kindness)
How to Turn Your Practice into Progress Toward Buddhist Enlightenment (Q&A)
How to Nurture Your "Buddha Nature" to Develop a Strong Sense of Happiness.

Other Recent Posts:
What is Karma? What isn't Karma?
Patience: How Buddhists Should Respond to Inconsiderate Acts of Others.
Buddhist Renunciation for Laypersons Explained (a practical how-to guide)
Meditating on Emptiness: Stop - You're Wasting Your Time - Buddhism Explained
The Importance of Contemplating Death (and how it can help you) - Buddhism

My teachings are free and donation-based; and, I offer authentic and transformative streamentry training and dharma life coaching. I encourage you to learn more. Opportunities to meet someone who can teach streamentry don't come by often.

6 Comments

Author.

Mike Turner Photo Buddhist Analytical Meditation Trainer

Hi! My name is Mike Turner. I'm a Buddhist Ariyapuggala and I've spent over 25 years learning and cultivating what I do, and what I do goes far beyond meditation and dharma.

I work with dedicated Buddhist practitioners to help them attain measurable spiritual progress. This kind of one-on-one training isn't readily available to lay practitioners and I hope to do my part as I prepare to leave lay-life for monastic ordination.

My teachings are donation-based and I'm available for advanced and intermediate practitioners of meditation-and-dharma to help them significantly advance their practice and their progress toward Buddhist enlightenment.

Please visit my home page to see what my streamentry and enlightenment training can do for you.

"The only thing that prevents people from attaining Enlightenment and experiencing Nirvana directly is insufficient instruction and/or practice."

6/9/2020 12:25:52

Thank you Michael for your description of Pity and I am now thinking more deeply as to how indeed, pity is conditional. That there is some expectation as you say, appreciation, respect, influence, reward, etc. and how this wanting something in return is just under the surface, hard to notice, easy to deny and yet insidiously negative.

Sandra K.

6/10/2020 03:35:57

Very interesting I've never considered pity as a selfish act. This was eye-opening and very accurate I think.

I will give this much of thought. It makes me think about the times I've had more pity than compassion in the past... I never really saw the difference. Thank you for writing this.

Clayton Micallef link

7/3/2020 04:55:01

You hit the nail on the head with describing pit as a selfish act. I am paralyzed from the neck down and have experienced pity first hand and its as you said it emerges from a better-off-than mindset and its belittling. On the other hand, I have experienced compassion, and I find that people who are compassionate towards me go beyond my paralysis they see me they see the person behind the paralysis and act towards me in ways to empower me to continue living my life to the full.

Imanut_inarut

7/25/2020 18:04:04

Interesting post, thanks for sharing. I always think of compassion as being heart open, and pity being heart closed

Samantha Stone

8/18/2020 17:52:45

Thank you Michael.

I wanted to come back to let you know that I listened to the Science of Compassion audiobook that you recommended at the end of your post and it was amazing and really opened by eyes to what compassion is! It makes it so much easier, I think that audiobook just changed my life.

Elaine Grose

2/12/2021 14:50:10

Michael
I have experienced 2 concussions of the frontal lobe. As a result, my compassion and empathy has been compromised. I am hoping analytical meditation on the topic of compassion will bring me back. Thank you for your article.

The Sagacious Buddhist Blog.
practical dharma teachings. questions|answers. essays.